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The Day The Torah Was Molested
© (2004) By Naomi

Jewish Survivors of Sexual Violence Speak Out - January 21, 2006

http://jewishsurvivors.blogspot.com/2005/01/day-torah-was-molested-by-naomi.html


She stands in shul shabbos

After years of absence

Facing the open ark

Doors spread wide

Like angels wings


The people and the room

Slowly disappear

All that remain are the ark and the voices.

The ark and praying voices.


Suddenly She is a little

In her grandfather's yeshiva

Watching from the doorway of the women's section

Because she isn't allowed in


The people in the yeshiva slowly disappear

All that remain are the ark and voices

The ark and screaming voices


The Torah watches in horror

The Torah hears in sorrow

the little s silenced pain

As her grandfather takes her into

The bathroom and undresses.

As The bochorim (students)

Sneak her upstairs

And tear her soul to pieces

The Torah sees it all


Then the yeshiva is abandoned

Nothing remains but a mound of crushed wood

And piles of torn holy books

Cascading down broken stairs

The Torah is shipped away

Her memories buried in its parchment


This week in the synagogue

Miles and years away

She sees the Torah again and remembers

What it witnessed

She is so very angry

So badly hurt

I thought you were protective of your people

Why did you stand by silently

And watch what was done to me


I've been waiting for you,

The Torah answers

It was I

The same Torah who lives in this synagogue today

I was there in that yeshiva

From the time you were born

and I saw it all.

As I am Truth

I swear you will not be forgotten

I will BEAR WITNESS.

Until then

Wrap yourself in me and I'll hold you

Tell me why

1993


Tell me Tatty, why did you do this to me?

My stomach turns over at the thought

My holy of holies, you made impure

You violated.


Tatty, you're my father, why did you do this to me?

Who can understand a man

who would violate his own daughter?

I can't get it out of my mind.


I myself

I feel so awful and gross

Like your hand is still between my legs

and there is nothing I can do about it.

I feel a helpless rage

desperately trapped in your abuse.


I'm afraid to get married.

How can I trust any man when my own father violated me like that?

I want to run through the streets screaming crying and shouting

don't hurt me don't hurt me I'm a child!

Love me! protect me!

don't touch my privates

get away!

I'm a blazing churban.

A pile of charred debris.

A broken self.


A destruction that began

when you started touching me.

Manipulating my young body.

destroying my soul.


You d me Tatty. You raped me.

How could you?

What should I do with this broken,

burnt little who's tears are drowning me

as she cries for someone to save her?


She feels you still

hurting her down there.

I you for what you did to her

to me.

I want to kill or die . . .

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