"Salah Jafar" <codeman128@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:SZwVg.1062$W35.683@trnddc06...
`He Took My Innocence Away'
South Carolina man alleges Brooklyn rabbi sexually abused him 20 years ago;
third accuser against Rabbi Kolko and Yeshiva Torah Temimah.
Jennifer Friedlin
The Jewish Week - 08/09/2006
http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/newscontent.php3?artid=12833
The alleged molestation did not begin immediately. In fact, it would take at
least a year of priming (survivor) before Rabbi Yehuda Kolko allegedly
started to sexually abuse the young boy.
The year was 1986 and (survivor), then a sixth grader at Yeshiva and Mesivta
Torah Temimah in Flatbush, had suddenly become one of Rabbi Kolko's favorite
students in the school. Rabbi Kolko, then a teacher at the yeshiva, would
call (survivor) out of class to monitor his class or to do small errands,
like make photocopies.
The attention felt good.
"I thought I was special because he was taking an interest in me,"
(survivor) recalled recently in a phone conversation.
Over time, however, Rabbi Kolko's favoritism crossed the line and became
abusive, (survivor) alleges. (survivor) says the molestation, which included
fondling and groping of his genitals, continued until he completed the
eighth grade and graduated middle school.
The scars, however, still remain.
"I hate that he took away my innocence. I blame so much on him," said
(survivor), a 31-year-old former U.S. Army soldier who lives in South
Carolina.
(survivor) is the third person to bring a lawsuit against Rabbi Kolko and
the yeshiva for crimes he allegedly committed in the 1970s and `80s. His
story took on a new resonance recently when (survivor) went public in a
court filing attaching his name to the claims against Rabbi Kolko; he had
been referred to only as John Doe 3.
"The sexual abuse has caused Israel to suffer severe and permanent
psychological, emotional and physical injuries and the inability to lead a
normal life, as well as attendant economic losses," according to the
complaint. "Plaintiff's injuries are persistent, permanent and debilitating
in nature."
Although the statute of limitations has expired for both a criminal and
civil action, the plaintiffs hope that evidence of an alleged cover-up
orchestrated by the head of the school, Rabbi Lipa Margulies, will enable
them to proceed with the civil action.
Since the lawsuits were filed in Brooklyn Federal Court, Rabbi Kolko has
been put on administrative leave. He has declined to comment on the
allegations, while the yeshiva has denied any wrongdoing. Calls to Rabbi
Kolko's lawyer, Robert Mercurio, were not returned.
Recently, Rabbi Kolko was spotted chaperoning campers from Silver Lake Camp,
Torah Temimah's summer camp, at a Connecticut theme park, New York magazine
reported this week. Avi Moskowitz, a lawyer for the yeshiva, told the
magazine that Rabbi Kolko is not affiliated with the camp, but that
"Obviously, the camp has no control over where he goes and what he does."
Reached for comment Moscowitz told The Jewish Week that "[Rabbi Kolko] did
not come on [the camp's] behalf and wasn't invited by us."
Moscowitz maintained that the allegations against the yeshiva are "simply
not true." He added that he believes that the statute of limitations is such
that the case should be dismissed.
(survivor) said he decided to pursue his $10 million lawsuit against the
rabbi and the school in order to try and regain a sense of control over the
past and to encourage the fervently Orthodox community to which he once
belonged to recognize that sexual abuse is a problem in need of attention.
"If the only thing that comes from this case is that the community wakes up
and says, `this happens here,' and that they stop it, I'll be happy," said
(survivor).
The (survivor)' family ties to Rabbi Margulies go back generations to
Hungary, where Israel's grandfather knew him. So, years ago, when the
(survivor) family was looking for a school for their young son, the
grandfather recommended his friend's yeshiva. Rabbi Kolko was (survivor)'
first-grade teacher. But the alleged trouble began several years later.
Throughout his early elementary school years, (survivor) said he was a good
student, but a bit of a loner. By sixth grade, he was having more trouble
academically and his grades started to slip. His relationship with his
parents was also growing strained. At that point (survivor) says that Rabbi
Kolko began taking a personal interest in his life. (survivor), meanwhile,
started to see Rabbi Kolko as someone he could trust and confide in.
"I didn't have a bad home or upbringing," (survivor) said. "But he was like
my father away from home, like a big brother or an uncle. He would tell me
I'm special and whenever there was a slight problem in my life he was the
first one to take an interest."
By the time (survivor) entered the seventh grade, he said that Rabbi Kolko
had his total trust. It was then that Rabbi Kolko allegedly began touching
the boy inappropriately. (survivor) said Rabbi Kolko would pull him from
class and take him to his private office, where the rabbi would put his
hands down the boy's pants and fondle his genitals. On some occasions, Rabbi
Kolko would follow (survivor) to his private bathroom to "help" him buckle
up his pants. (survivor) said Rabbi Kolko would then grope him.
At the time, (survivor) said that he had no sense that what Rabbi Kolko was
doing was wrong. He blames this largely on the fact that neither the yeshiva
nor his parents ever discussed the difference between appropriate and
inappropriate sexual behavior.
"My son and daughter know more about which areas are private than I knew
when I was 15," said (survivor), referring to his 4-year-old son and
2-year-old daughter. "I felt if this is what he's doing it must be OK."
However, by the time he was a teenager, (survivor)' behavior was getting
more out of control, so much so that a psychologist recommended that the
teen undergo intensive therapy. While (survivor) was in treatment, the truth
of the abuse emerged, he said.
Although he felt a sense of relief, (survivor) said he never fully recovered
from the damage of having been abused by a figure of communal authority and
personal importance.
"Once I realized that what he did was wrong, my whole life came tumbling
down," said (survivor), noting that his parents had a hard time knowing how
to deal with their son's situation.
Because of behavioral problems, (survivor) bounced around five high schools
in four years. Throughout his teen years, he began hanging out with the
wrong crowd. His faith in Judaism was shattered.
"If this guy would do this to me and he represents Judaism, then something
was really wrong," said (survivor), who is no longer observant.
After high school, (survivor) said he did a series of odd jobs and bummed
around before joining the U.S. Army as a medic at 24 to "get some control
back." That same year he also married a woman he had known from Brooklyn.
The couple is now separated.
"I have acquaintances but relationships are hard for me," (survivor) said.
In fact, (survivor) said that he has never felt as good as he did when Rabbi
Kolko was showering attention on him. "It was the ultimate high," (survivor)
said. "I felt important, distinguished from the class."
He said his pull to Rabbi Kolko has remained so great over the years that he
has gone back to Brooklyn on several occasions to try and visit him in an
effort to recapture that feeling of importance. However, (survivor) said
that Rabbi Kolko always seems distracted and uninterested in speaking with
him.
"I would continuously go back to him and he would reject me," (survivor)
said. "It's sort of like a woman in an abusive relationship. Why does she go
back? Because she feels special. I long for that special feeling."
Over the years, (survivor) said he tried to recapture the feeling through
other relationships, but nothing came close to the feeling Rabbi Kolko gave
him.
"Throughout my life I needed attention and he filled the gap," (survivor)
said.
To this day, (survivor) says he is still confused by what happened and why
it made him feel the way he did. If he had the chance, he said he would like
to ask Rabbi Kolko, "Why me? What was it about me? Why not any of the other
60 kids?"