En ganske alm Renault Clio på Ebay, men med en temmelig alternativ
beskrivelse....
Godt 31.000 har været inde for at kigge...
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230451057921#ht_818wt_958
Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves
If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before
your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.
A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was.
Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or
council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted
little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted,
but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug
selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock
to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances.
you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've
made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your
scrawny little backs already.
Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your
shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and
other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this
beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven
forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to
compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling
a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully
equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows.
Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and
knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It
does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of
the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered
suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's
inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her
down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate
and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god
damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the
chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like
this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and
incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel
shelf will have them pregnant in no time.
To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been
fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it
really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like
you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely
needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also
enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air
filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you
didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more
pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and
look a complete prick. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you
work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels
is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. cocaine and skunk
selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car.
I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but
ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps
someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really.
Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned
down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure
it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have
folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.
For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly
meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't
already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.
If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that
matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention
of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car
effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though,
Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre
plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the
passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre
screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this.
The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour.
Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't
forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as
well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end.
your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you
in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff
your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your
gonna get a proper bird with this motor.
For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside
the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress
the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before
collecting your ASBO?
Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid
drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to
your local crack house should procure some documentation from as
little as fifty quid.
Nuff said, innit.
MVH Leo