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Signs your cat is too fat


Cat door retrofitted with garage door opener.

Confused guests constantly mistaking him for a beanbag chair.

Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.

No longer cleans self unless coated in Cheese Whiz.

Cat food dish replaced with a trough.

Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pantsuit.

It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.

She only catches mice that get trapped in her gravitational pull.

Has more chins than lives.


DOG PET PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS
Blaming your farts on me... not funny.

Yelling at me for barking...I'M A DOG !!

Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose
walk is this anyway?

Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd you buy the
carpet?

Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...

How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth,
you're just jealous.

Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?

Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your
stuff up when you're not home.

When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far
behind schedule that puts me?

Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back.

The fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top
of the food chain.


Marianne

Hellemose Somali
hellemose.som@mail.dk

Some people have lives, others have cats