Just George <thereisnone@tadress.com> wrote:
> Så nej, det er ikke et sikkert tegn på du er ved at blive bøsse,
> du har bare fundet ud af at stimulering af endetarmen også
> kan give en orgasme, lige som mange andre mænd før dig der heller
> ikke er bøsser.
Og jeg kan her gengive en beretning, man kan finde på
<
http://www.spr.org/>
Klik »connect«
Vælg: »Read Stories from Survivors of Prisoner Rape«
Vælg »David, California«
Det er en historie om en 18-årig dreng der kommer i et californisk
fængsel. I denne sammenhæng skal der lægges mærke til at han begynder at
reagere med erektion på at blive voldtaget - helt ufrivilligt.
Der er i øvrigt langt værre historier, fortalt af efterladte efter
fanger, der har begået selvmord som følge af voldtægterne.
Men her er historien:
==
Prison life itself is such a negative thing. It is so repressive that
prisoners look in any direction to relieve their loneliness and despair.
I have found in my experience that lack of education has a direct
correlation to violence. The uneducated have less options to deal with
perceived attacks on their pride or self-esteem. They can't successfully
argue their points or ideas. They revert to brute strength to force
their ideas on others. If successful it makes them feel good about
themselves. To many, this is the only way they have learned to deal with
things. Power of the fittest becomes the "modus operandi" of the prison
population.
In such places even the more educated inmates can find themselves in a
situation where they must use force to survive. If they have to confront
violence often, one becomes what he is trying to avoid. Many men decide
it is better to become an abuser rather then be abused. A few were
violent abusers of women on the streets and pray on weak smaller males
in prison. To them dominance is everything. When they have sex it is to
dominate and humiliate and they receive pleasure from this. Many of
their victims are traumatized for life.
All prisons have certain things in common. All people who are held
captive against their will have similar feelings to varying degrees, but
prisons very widely in the way administrators monitor and control
inmates activities. Large overcrowded institutions cannot monitor and
control all inmate activities. As long as the inmates are being fed,
clothed, receive minimum medical services, and are not killing
themselves, or the officers on a large scale, the administration is
satisfied. Sexual practices are ignored in these overcrowded prisons.
Prison administrations are as different as the individuals running them.
Some individuals try hard to run safe institutions while overcrowded,
under staffed, and under budgeted. Sometimes it just cannot be done. Any
time forced double celling, and blind spots are not eliminated, rapes,
murders, and robbery will proliferate. The larger the prison the more it
will happen. The smaller less populated prisons are easier to control
and are safer.
The first time I went to jail I was 18 years old. I had gone AWOL from
the navy, was living with 3 prostitutes, and befriended an older Marine.
The Marine and I decided to pull an armed robbery of a small convenience
store. A policeman happened to be in the area, and after a long chase we
were arrested and went to jail. We ended up in different tanks in the
Sonoma County Jail in California. I was 6'1" and weighed about 180
pounds. I wasn't a small guy and figured I could pretty well take care
of myself. I was in for a big surprise.
Their were 20 men in my tank, it was split into two 10 man pods with 5
bunk beds in each pod, a day room was between them. The day room had
four large steel tables to eat on, a toilet and shower was in the rear.
The first night I was approached by 3 men. Two of them were about my
size and the third was about 20 pounds and 6 inches smaller. They asked
who I was and what I was in for. I told them and then one of them asked
if I had ever been fucked. I said "no and I wasn't planning on it "he
said "we're going to fuck you". l was filled with fear like I had never
felt before. I swung at him with a left hook and as he blocked it his
partner swung and hit me in the face knocking me to the floor. One of
them grabbed me by the hair and slammed my face into the concrete
knocking me out.
When I woke I was on my stomach, my pants had been pulled off, my legs
were spread wide apart with one guy sitting on each leg and the other
guy laying on my back. The guy on top was slapping me awake and said I
want you to feel this. He proceeded to drive his cock deep into my butt.
I had never felt such pain and tried to get away. They held me in such a
way I knew they had done this to someone before. He fucked me for what
seemed like forever and then came in me. Then he switched places with
another one, and all three raped me. After it was over I was held in a
head lock while they debated if they should kill me or not. I was asked
if I was going to snitch and I told them "no". They said they would kill
me if I said anything to anyone. I really thought I was going to die.
The next day they left me alone, I was numb and didn't know what to do.
I was raised not to snitch on people and to handle my own problems and
this was reinforced in Navy Boot-camp. As much as l wanted too, I
rejected snitching as an option. I was looking at 5 years to life in
prison for the armed robbery. If I snitched and then went to prison they
could very easily have me killed. I was from another state and knew no
one in California. I was so terrified and filled with shame and fear. My
options were so limited, I felt paralyzed and helpless. I had no one to
talk too, or to help me.
That night the same three came back to my bunk. They said I was their
punk now and it would do no good to try and fight because they'd just
take me down and hurt me again even worse then before. My head was
throbbing from the beating, my right eye was black and swollen shut, and
my butt hurt. They told me to take a shower and shave all the hair off
my body from the neck down. I was just like a robot and did what they
said. Going along was better then getting beat or killed. I didn't
reason it out I just did it.
After shaving they told me I was going to give them all head. I didn't
want to and resisted. I said "please don't make me do this. I couldn't
imagine sucking a mans cock!! I was slapped and my head was forced down
to the first guys cock by my hair. I started sucking his cock and he
gave me instructions on how to suck it. He grabbed me by the hair and
forced his cock down my throat when he came. I thought he was going to
gag me to death and I puked on the floor after he let go. The others
must have been turned off cause they left me alone that night. I was
still in shock the next day and wondered what would happen next I even
thought about killing myself.
The next night the same three came to me again. This time they told me
to take off my pants. I was given vaseline and told to lay on my stomach
and put some on my butt. I did what I was told. This time they told me
to help by pushing like I was taking a shit as he pushed his cock in my
ass. It made it a lot easier as he took his time working it in making it
less painful. It was still uncomfortable and I felt like I had to take a
shit while he was in me. This time he fucked me like he would probably
fuck a woman and it wasn't near as bad as the first time. The second guy
fucked me about the same way while the third had me give him head at the
same time. There was nothing pleasurable about it yet I was perplexed
about getting a hard on. I was afraid about it because I thought they
would beat me if they saw it. I also wondered if I could be homosexual.
That really bothered me!
I now know that when a man's prostate gland is stimulated he will get an
involuntary hard on. It was very confusing at the time. I was able to
keep them from noticing because they always had me lay on my stomach for
sex. Things started to tapper off after this and they weren't so
demanding. I would have sex with one of them at a time, and at different
times, however others in the pod started to become interested.
I would be woken up at different times of the night and asked to perform
sex. I would just do it rather then risk being beaten. The men began to
treat me gently and after a week or so they started letting me play
cards with them and gave me candy bars and stuff. Before that I was
ostracized, no one talked to me nor would they eat with me.
After a time some of them would even protect me against the three that
originally raped me. They would abuse me by calling me a punk and asked
things like, "do you like getting fucked in the ass bitch" and "what
would your girlfriends think of you now". They even got into my things
and wrote to the girls I had been living with and told them I was a
punk. Sometimes they would pull my hair or slap me while I gave them
head. The other guys started to get on them about it. I appreciated them
sticking up for me and started to like them. These other guys treated me
real well during sex. Some of them preferred getting head and some liked
fucking better.
Even though I wasn't saying no anymore they all knew they were raping
me. I knew it was established that I was a sex toy and if I ever flat
refused I'd be beaten badly. I thought of the first three as violent
rapists and the others as opportunists and in reality nice rapists. They
wouldn't come out and take sex violently but would take advantage of a
scared young person who they knew couldn't say no.
At this point I was trapped in this role. I reasoned that I had better
just make the best of it and get past this the best I could. After a
while the sex wasn't all un-pleasurable, however I became rudely aware
of what frustration many, many women go through. As I would lay on my
stomach getting fucked some of the guys treated me just like a women. As
they got hotter and hotter they'd start grinding nicely and kissing on
my neck and back and rub on my sides, legs, butt, and stomach. This felt
so good and I'd just give in to it and enjoy it. I would start fucking
them back so I could grind my cock into the bed and get my own pleasure.
It felt really good, but right when I would start getting real hot they
would usually cum and put all their weight on me before I could orgasm.
Then after we got up they wouldn't talk to me or even look at me. It
really made me feel like shit.
Although I never initiated sex with anybody there were two guys I
enjoyed having sex with. One would wake me up real late and lead me into
the day room. He'd have me rub vaseline all over his cock and then bend
me over the table. He'd enter me very slowly and hold onto my hips and
run his hands up and down my ass and legs as he'd pump and grind his
cock in me just as if I was a women. When I got hard he'd reach around
and grab my cock and jack me off as he fucked me. We'd both usually come
at the same time.
The other one would have everyone leave the room. He'd have me lay on my
back and he'd spread my legs and held them up to my chest. I'd grease my
butt real well with vaseline and he'd enter me. I'd cover my balls and
cock with one hand to hide it and to keep my balls from being smashed
between us. He'd slowly push into me and start slowly fucking me. As he
got hotter he'd lean forward and put my free hand on his head and start
sucking on my neck and nipples. I'd hold his head as he sucked on my
nipples. He'd keep his eyes closed pretending I was his wife and say "Oh
baby fuck me move that ass baby" and tell me he loved me. I would push
my ass back against each of his strokes making it as good as I could for
him as I would grind my hard cock against my hand at the same time. If
he was getting ready to cum before me I'd reach down and pinch his cock
at the base so it would stop his orgasm and he'd have to start building
for it over again. That would give me a chance to get into it and orgasm
myself. I liked it best that way cause I felt I had more control over
the situation. I figured if I'm going to do it I might as well get into
it myself and get off when ever I could. He was really cold afterwards
but the next day he was nice and stuck up for me the most. The orgasms I
had with those two were very strong and intense. It felt like they were
really making love to me even though I knew they weren't.
I started to even feel a sense of power that I'm sure many females feel
around groups of men. I could walk by them in the day room and shake my
ass and they'd get all silly. I could have even started fights between
them If I wanted to but I never did because I knew it could back fire
and get me killed. I was beginning to like certain aspects of being
treated like a female. It did stir up a new part of me inside, a
feminine sexy part.
It all came to an end when they gave a guy a blanket party and shoved a
sharp lead pencil up his ass. The investigators wanted me to tell them
who did it, and told me they knew what was happening to me on that
block. I told them to go fuck themselves. It really pissed me off that
they wanted to know what happened to the other guy but wouldn't stop
what was happening to me. They are truly fucking pigs!! They put me in
an isolation cell after that. I went to prison and luckily what happened
didn't follow me and I never had problems with that again.
I became very aggressive and would fight at the drop of a hat. The bad
thing is that I took that aggression with me to the streets when I got
out. Now I'm doing a life sentence for killing someone who threatened
me. Right now I'm 6'2" and weigh 250 pounds. I'm a power lifter now and
run with some of the most feared guys in the joint. None of my friends
would ever believe this happened to me. If you put me in a room with
those three rapists today they'd be climbing the walls trying to get
away, and begging for their lives. I'd break their arms and legs one by
one and leave them squirming on the floor withering in pain. If I ever
get out of prison, WOE to the man who ever rapes or abuses a women or
child around me!!!
I kept this to myself for years until I was married and my wife started
crying one night. I asked her what was wrong and she told me about her
uncle raping her when she was 14 years old and how she told her folks
and they didn't believe her. I held her and told her I understood. She
said I couldn't understand because I was a man. So I opened up and told
her what happened to me in jail. She looked at me and said "You let it
go on for weeks and did nothing to stop it"? I tried to explain and she
said "I can't believe I married a PUNK"? so I just said no I didn't say
that, you misunderstood me forget about it!! I was devastated, I was
really in love with her and now I didn't know how she felt about me. I
never talked to anyone about it again. Her uncle ended up in the
hospital about a week later with a bunch of broken ribs. We divorced
about 6 months later.
I do believe the experience helped me to become more sensitive to
womens' needs, and I've been told that I'm a very good lover. I love to
eat pussy for hours, and my favorite position is the women on top and
69. I haven't met a women yet I couldn't help to become orgasmic. I have
developed some deep relationships with women over the years but I never
could share my rape experience with them. I've been afraid of being
rejected again because of it. I have wanted to several times but I just
couldn't get it out. I also have trouble sharing my feelings and l
believe I've suffered greatly for it.
I have always been a heterosexual and have never had a desire for men.
It's been 18 years sense that experience in the county jail]. I have
been in prison 13 years now and I have never had sex with another man. I
have sometimes fantasized about having sex with a young male while I've
been masturbating, but I could never do it in real life. 1 know the
fantasy stems from that part of the experience when I received pleasure
while in a horrible situation. The fear, desperation, and helplessness
are not present now so I probably wouldn't find anything pleasurable
about it now, and don't want to find out.
The rape of a man or women is a horrible thing. I know what a women
feels when she is raped. I know the feeling of helplessness, the shame,
guilt, self-doubt, self-blame, and fear. The greatest fear for me was
that someone I knew would find out. Other men do not understand, will
not try to understand, and will ostracize a man who has been raped. I
found in my experience I couldn't trust women either. It could be worse
for men in this respect because they have no one to talk to and are
afraid of rejection. You keep it secret and let no one know. Violence
can be a by-product of men who have been raped. They will come on extra
aggressive against other men to protect themselves from being perceived
vulnerable or weak. I suspect that the rape experience causing alcohol
abuse, and drug addiction, has lead to the death of many men who cross
swords with the male rape victim.
Many male and female rape victims experience "Rape Trauma Syndrome"
(RTS). This is a devastating form of "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder"
which military combat veterans suffer from. I must admit that I probably
suffer from RTS, and it could be the reason I'm in prison today.
Although I was never an angel and did engage in some criminal activity.
I was never violent and had never hurt another person until after the
rape experience. I'm just not a mean, or hurtful person.
I have buried this experience in the back of my memory for so many
years, not thinking about it. The reason I started thinking about it now
is because I've attended several groups here in prison. Transactual
Analysis, Dysfunctional Families, and Anger Control are a few of the
groups along with several Psychological college courses I have taken. I
have been searching to understand why I have chosen this fate I am
burdened with. I have studied several different Psychological theories
and I do feel very comfortable with myself now.
I came across some information printed from a group called "Stop
Prisoner Rape" they wrote about RTS, and the crisis of Prisoner Rape
around the country. I decided that it was time that I dealt with what
happened to me. I need to process the experience. By writing about it I
hope to draw out feelings that I buried away, deal with them, and put
them to rest for good. In the process of doing this for myself I hope to
reach other men who have gone through this and let them know they are
not alone. Certain feelings, fantasies, and fears they have about it are
not unique to them, reassure them they are still men, that their sexual
preference hasn't necessarily been altered by it, and to seek help
before they end up like me hurting others or themselves.
Until I read the "Stop Prisoner Rape" material I had no idea that male
rape victims shared so many of the same feelings about the experience. 1
really thought that I was some kind of freak because of the many things
I did, thought, and felt now, and at the time of the experience. That is
why I went into such detail about what I did, what I felt, and what I
was thinking before and after. I want the thousands of Raped men to know
they are not alone. It wasn't their fault and they can survive this. I
am a survivor, and I become stronger every day. I hope that female rape
victims can also find something in this that might comfort them. Rape is
rape no matter who it happens to. There are more similarities between
men and women then differences. I shed tears for my sisters that have
gone through this in so many different ways!!
There is only one way to be sure you will not become a male rape victim
in jail or prison. That is to never be arrested. Anyone can be raped no
matter how big he is. Anyone can be overwhelmed by numbers. One of the
worst things you can say in jail or prison if you're not among friends
is that you can not be raped. Many of these sick individuals will take
it as a challenge and do it just because they can.
- David, California
==
--
Per Erik Rønne
http://www.RQNNE.dk