"Ragna" <rahasNEJ@TAKtdcadsl.dk> writes:
> Linket til Henriks danske version er her:
>
http://shor.ter.dk/281144399
>
> Den engelske version har jeg ikke fundet - endnu.
er her
WHAT IF MICROSOFT MADE CATS?
By Messybeast
MS stands for Moggy-Soft (UK version) or Meow-Soft (US version).
PC stands for PussyCat, the standard platform on which the Moggy-Soft/Meow-Soft
operating system is installed.
It will also run on a Laptop PC.
There is no Command Line interface since MS-Cats do not take commands; they
process suggestions using fluffy logic.
MS-Cats come with a single user licence. If you want a family cat you must
purchase CatNT, the multi-user version.
Each MS-Cat package is totally unique and cannot be transferred from one PC to
another. Should you transfer your PC to another user, you must transfer it with
the MS-Cat software preinstalled.
Under the MS-Cat purchase deal, you may opt to purchase a MS-Kitten (the
cut-down version of MS-Cat). However, MS-Kitten is a developing application and
as more and more patches are installed it will eventually inflate to the size
of MS-Cat. It is recommended that you buy MS-Cat as the bugs and quirks will
already be known (although there is nothing to stop new ones from developing
due to the complex and subtle interaction of the various MS software options).
Every time you upgrade to a new MS-Cat, it looks and feels the same but acts
totally differently.
If MS-Cat or MS-Kitten requires a software upgrade it will spontaneous download
the appropriate items with minimal user intervention. Note: Due to the
application of fluffy logic, some patches may adversely affect performance and
require tailoring by the user.
BUNDLED ITEMS
CLAWS is a standard feature which comes bundled with MS-Cat. There is currently
no option to buy MS-Cat without this item. CLAWS is pre-installed and it is up
to the user must uninstall it at additional cost.. Note: In countries such as
the United Kingdom, CLAWS may not be legally uninstalled except where it is
causing severe system degradation as opposed to mere user inconvenience.
DIS-ORGANISER. The standard MS Dis-Organiser will ensure that you cannot find
small items such as keys, wristwatches or jewellery and that you encounter
other items (dead mice, poopies, pukies) at the most inconvenient times. It
will help you to miss some engagements completely and to turn up late for
others.
POWER-SAVE. MS-Cat will periodically enter Power-Save mode to conserve system
resources. Power-Save mode may be spontaneously engaged either when the system
has been idle for some time or in response to a period of high activity. Do not
be alarmed if MS-Cat invokes Power-Save in the middle of an intensive activity
operation. This is a perfectly normal although mildly irritating response to
resource drain. The system will Re-Boot when it is ready and not before!
BOOT/RE-BOOT. Installed, but only available to specialist engineers! You must
not attempt to Boot your MS-Cat; this is done at system initialisation before
it leaves the factory. Your MS-Cat operating system will automatically put the
host PC or Laptop into Power-Save mode and cause it to Reboot itself
periodically throughout the day and night If your MS-Cat suffers erratic
performance or fails to boot fully, consult a veterinarian or similarly
qualified specialist to Reboot your MS-Cat for you.
SELF-SHUTDOWN. All MS products are designed with built-in obsolescence. Due to
a unique "randomising" factor, only the MS-Cat knows this date. It is not user
accessible unless you have cause to prematurely close the unit down due to a
terminal fault. Self-shutdown is normally preceded by gradual and noticeable
operating system degradation. Once closed down in this way, any MS-Cat stored
data cannot be salvaged. The self-shutdown program cannot be uninstalled.
SYSTEM THRASHING WARNING SIGNAL. Conveniently located at the aft end of the cat
above the waste outlet valve. Be careful of tail thrashing! Ignoring this
warning signal may result in damage to the operator.
PURRIFURRALS. A number of purrifurrals are supported by MS-Cat e.g. scrunchy
wad of paper, catnip mousie, jingly ball. Others may be added at the owner's
discretion. Note: some proprietary add-ons will fail to install. This is
perfectly normal. Despite 100% compatibility with the MS-Cat operating system,
a random error generator ensures that each is unique in the number and range of
supported third party add-on hardware. Use of purrifurrals will enhance
operator enjoyment of the system, but may temporarily deplete system resources
resulting in sudden activation of Power-Save mode. MS-Cat reserves the right to
ignore selected purrifurrals, either temporarily or permanently, for no
particular reason. When this occurs, replace the purrifurral with something
newer and flashier.
--
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