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The 12 Days of "Catmas"

On the first day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me. . .
A carpeted cheaply
home-made cat tree.

(Feeble attempt by the Big Owner to get me
off his bed where I take up most of the space. Sorry, no go.)

On the second day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me. . .
Two catnip toys.

(They were destroyed within minutes.
Next . . .)

On the third day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me. . .
Three nuggets of Pounce.

(Stingy humans. After they went to bed I knocked the can over
and ate the rest.)

On the fourth day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me. . .
Four furry mice.

(Fake, what a disappointment.)

On the fifth day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me . . .
Five small lattice balls.

(They made such an irritating noise on the hardwood floor the
Big Owner took them away the next day.)

On the sixth day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me . . .
Six floppy stuffed Beanie Dalmations.

(95 to go. Big whoop.)

On the seventh day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me . . .
Seven pet food covers.

(Hold on here, buckeroo. I eat a whole can of that stuff at one
sitting. Covers suggest I won't be doing that anymore? Over your
dead body.)

On the eighth day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me. . .
Eight hairball toys.

(Looks like the real thing.)

On the ninth day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me . . .
Nine humans dancing.

(Trying not to step on the fake hairballs.)

On the tenth day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me . . .
Ten balls of twine.

(Old reliable. Z-z-z-z-z. I may knit a noose for the Big Owner.)

On the eleventh day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me . . .
Eleven minutes of scratching.

(It's about all the Big Owner can handle before strands of hair fly
up into his nose and make him sneeze all over me.)

On the twelfth day of Catmas,
my humans gave to me . . .
Twelve human hugs and kisses.

(It makes up for all the rest!)


It was a good day.

Written by:
Mark Mason